Taking inventory of all the reasons that I believe I am feeling burnt out. While I'm sure that those who read this have lived through their own traumas and I'm not interested in a competition, it helps me to write it down.
Sexually mutilated immediately after birth.
Sexually confused mother, likely due to puritanical Christian beliefs. Failed to be a good teacher of how I should interact with women.
Pedophilic father. He lied and manipulated to get his way. He hated hypocrites but proved to be one of the worst hypocrites I have ever known.
I was confused about sexuality. I saw females in an unhealthy way, which led me to treat them in an unhealthy way. When I DID have sexual relations, the sexual mutilation that I did not understand at the time exacerbated my problems with relationships.
I was drawn to what I perceived as greatness: I approached and shook hands of Bill Gates. Today I realize that humans are drawn to be surrounded by what they *perceive* to be great because they fail to see their own greatness. And, they have yet to see the humanity of the person they perceive to be great. Today Gates is the largest single contributor to the largest genital mutilation effort the world has ever seen; closely related to the genital mutilation I have come to hate was done to me.
A series of employment situations where I was tossed away when automation, outsourcing, and/or offshoring made me less valuable to the organization. And cases where the organization shrunk or went out of business and a system that provided an ineffective social safety net.
The first wife proved to be unfaithful and unappreciative.
The second wife with undiagnosed bipolar and gastrointestinal issues.
Inlaws who ended up with memory issues at the same time, which led my wife (who's an only child) and I to have to take extraordinary measures to take care of them and the stuff (hoarders) they left behind.
Our two children ended up with a severe auto-immune disease, which led to severe disruption of our lives.
Becoming a father led me down a trail of discovery about genital-cutting rituals and the effects of my own genital mutilation. A series of traumas from realizations of the many ways I've been affected as well as hearing many stories of grief from others. To make it worse, discussions with those who believe that the genital-cutting ritual is a good thing go on to gaslight those who have legitimate reasons to feel grief. While I realize that their attempts to gaslight are rooted in their own insecurities I end up seeing trauma all around.
Watching the homeless situation get worse and worse. And, hearing the stories of people who ended up homeless as my wife and I work to help.
Numerous cases of theft.
Involvement in efforts to make the world a better place where some of the people in the efforts hinder the efforts due to selfish motives.
Being a property manager of low-income housing where the system fails both the property owner and the tenant. Top it off with being paid so low that my family is considered low-income.
