Understanding fellow intactivists

If you've been following my posts for at least a year now, or have read my older posts starting with January 2018, you know that I've become heavily involved with the intactivism movement.  So much so that I became an admin of some intactivism groups on Facebook, became a supporting systems administrator of various intactivism websites, did some demonstrations with the Bloodstained Men as well as solo, been involved in the promotion of the documentary American Circumcision, started a petition for my own state which was copied for California and launched a new website: www.genitalautonomysociety.org

Wow!  Now that I wrote that down, I realize how busy I've been!  And, there's more I could add to the list.

I've been somewhat frustrated by the splintered set of intactivism groups.  However, I have come to understand why it is the way it is.

There's the "gentle education" group (i.e. Your Whole Baby), the "gotta get in people's faces" intactivists, the angry victims of genital mutilation (i.e. Bloodstained Men) and then the hurting victims of genital mutilation.

Not all members of one of these groups are likely to understand the perspective of members of other groups.  Most often, I've found that people that are in one group are rarely involved in the others.  I've been lucky enough to continue involvement with all of them.

The "gentle education" group wants to avoid chasing people away.  They want to keep people engaged in the discussion, even if they continue to promote genital mutilation (they'll call it things like "circumcision").  And, I understand this, as I will continue to hold onto hope that they will eventually get it.

I'm just going to explain the other end of the spectrum as everything in-between is explained by the two ends.

Most every victim of genital mutilation, that I have spoken with, had part of their natural genitalia cut away at infancy.  Like me, they did not learn about what was taken away from them until adulthood when they could fully understand and grasp it.  Once I started learning about the procedure that was performed on me, I immediately jumped into the first stage of grief (denial).  Luckily, this stage wasn't so strong in me that I insisted that my son get the same procedure done to him.  However, I still thought "there absolutely must be a good reason for it."  It's the second stage, though, that I think puts many at the other end of the spectrum (anger).

I'm an introvert, thus, I process most of my feelings internally.  Sometimes they show up in some of the things I say and do when interacting with others, and, that has gotten my wrist slapped a few times by the "gentle educators."  However, I've met some that are clearly extroverted and give no apologies for their expressions of anger.  While I believe that people need to see this anger to really get that there are people that are hurt by genital mutilations, I personally look for ways to express it without attacking people.  However, there's an inherent challenge:  when victims see people insisting that it's best for their child to have the procedure done, it's as if it was going to be done to them all over again.  Imagine the worst injustice that has ever been done to you; now, imagine someone saying they're going to do that same thing to another person; ya, that's what it feels like.

What is difficult for the hurting victims to see is that these parents genuinely think they are doing what is best and they simply do not understand what intactivists understand.  It makes me think of what Jesus said "...for they do not know what they are doing."

If you've taken care of children, and have had a case where you accidentally hurt them, broke their toy or something along those lines, you probably know that you can apologize to them but they will still try to lash out at you.  I've seen this sort of behavior between regret parents and intactivists that are hurting victims.  With children, you can often get them to move forward from anger to bargaining by offering to replace the toy or making them a cake.  However, in the case of genital mutilation, there's not much you can do; it's not a toy that can be replaced.

What you may be able to do:

• Start by not getting defensive.
• Empathize or sympathize with their feelings.
• Apologize (as if you were the one that made the decision their parents made).
• If you want to help them forward into the next step of grief, try bargaining with them by committing to speak out for the next generation.

This can be done during intactivist activities as well.  When you encounter a fellow intactivist bashing someone, leverage it rather than attempt to counter it.  While addressing the person that is being attacked by the intactivist, empathize with the intactivist and the person being attacked at the same time.  I compare this to the good-cop/bad-cop approach often seen in cop shows.

Sometimes, the hurting victims hit the depression stage and we end up losing them from the movement.  Jonathon Conte is the most notable of intactivists lost to depression, as he committed suicide.  I worry about my fellow intactivists, hoping that no more will go the same way.

This leads to a double-edged sword.  The more I educate fellow victims of the harm that was done to them, the more individuals that will go through the same grief process.  However, not educating leads to the continuation of a harmful practice.

To the Burnt-out Intactivist

Take heart intactivist.  The war will be won!  There's no losing this war, just quitting it!  There's no bad press, it's all good.  I say this with confidence because the first thing my wife showed me when we started discussing the topic for our first son was the reasons that support removing the prepuce from the penis (aka circumcision).  THAT is what got me to say "what?!"  Let these people that promote the procedure attempt to promote it; it's just going to make people question it even more.  In the day my parents made the decision to have my prepuce removed, there was no argument, no protests, no contention in the media and no information super-highway.  If people question it, more often than not, they're going to see the truth.

I know it seems like a daunting task.  Think about the numbers, though.  There are over 300 million people in the USA.  We know that many of those are ignorant to the anatomy of the intact penis and have been accustomed to the "circumcised penis."  Let's just say 2/3 of that are people that need to be reached (not children or others that wouldn't have an impact).  Now, lets say half of that is currently for removing the prepuce.  That is still 100 million people!  The main Facebook group for Your Whole Baby only has around 30k in it.  But, the movement is growing faster and faster!

There are plenty of people that laugh at us.  But, that just means we're irritating them.  We're getting them thinking.  Even if they disagree with us, there's really very little cost to them to just say "give them what they want."  I know, I know, there are the doctors that are afraid of admitting wrong-doing and risking legal repercussions.  There are the men that think it means that giving into the movement means admitting that there's something wrong with them.  There are parents that think it means they made the wrong choice.  But, think about other movements in history.  The slave owners had a ton invested in their slaves; not that I think this will ever have to go as far as blood-shed (even though it's blood-shed that we're fighting against).  But, doctors can find plenty of other work.  Men don't have to go public with their choice to leave their son(s) intact.  Parents, well, that's a tough one; they may just have to apologize for their choice.  However, if they continue to push the procedure, they will just make themselves look heartless.

I have been watching and participating in this fight for over 13 years now.  I've seen intactivists get negative.  I've seen intactivists become dismayed by some of the other intactivists that become very aggressive, rude and disrespectful.  While I know some people run the other way when encountering these kinds of intactivists, and that can be disheartening because we may feel that we've lost that person. I'd much rather keep people engaged rather than see them run away.  But, either way, we actually have not lost them.  The more people like this see anger about the issue, the more they're just going to want to leave children intact!  The anger over children having their genitals mutilated needs to over-shadow any anger that exists for not getting the children "circumcised."

If you need a break, definitely take a break.  I just hope that these words help the break be just that: a break.

Seriously, there is NO losing, just quitting!

Thank you for speaking out for the next generation!

Reasons some people respond so offensively to intactivists

As an intactivist, it helps to understand these things to approach people with empathy:

• If it was done to them, they don't want to think of themselves as damaged.
• If it was chosen by their parents, they may want to defend their parent's decision. Plenty of people rightfully want to protect their parents.
• Some desire to protect the routine as a part of their religion. Challenging any part of one's religion can be very scary. People don't want to be an outcast among their religious group.
• Some don't want to believe they made the wrong choice for their own child.
• Some want to believe that their doctor and/or medical system has told them the truth.
• Some are medical professionals that can't even consider the possibility that they have been performing a procedure (or supporting a procedure) that hurts people.

This may be redundant, but this helps explain:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

As an intactivist, I keep this stuff in mind and not take it personally.

Filed criminal complaint for 'circumcision'

I filed a criminal complaint regarding the removal of part of my penis!  I went to the website for the Sheriff's office in the county that I was born, downloaded a "Voluntary Statement Form," completed it, scanned it and e-mailed it.  YES, I DID!  And, they sent back a case number!

Yes, I'm betting there are going to be many people that will laugh.  That's fine, every person in history that challenged a popular belief was laughed at.

This is what I said:
"Sometime between {birthdate} and {8 days later}, a part of my penis was removed without a medical indication at the {hospital} where I was born.  I consider this to be a sexual assault and battery with a deadly weapon."

Am I hoping to win a financial settlement?  This was not a civil case that was filed, thus, no.  Besides, I'm pretty sure we are well past the statute of limitations.

Am I hoping someone will get arrested?  Gosh, no.  However, if the doctor is still alive, I would request that the doctor make a public statement against the procedure.

So, what am I hoping for?  I am hoping that it will get attention.  I am hoping the news media may decide to make a story out of it.  I am hoping that the hospital administrator(s) and maybe even some doctors hear about it.  They may laugh and joke, but, the next time they chose to cut off a part of a baby's genitalia, I bet they will be thinking about me.

Note my selection of words.  I didn't even use the word "circumcision" because that would give it credence as a medical procedure.  I didn't identify that it was a doctor that did it, either, because that wouldn't make it any more OK.

If you're curious, there is this well known case of a man that did win a settlement:
This link no longer works:  https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=127183&page=1
This is an interview of William Stowell, the person that was covered by the story:  https://youtu.be/H8szj1jFCWM

And, here's a story of a lawyer that has been fighting a "war on circumcision:"
http://www.duluthnewstribune.com/news/4361831-moorhead-lawyer-fights-two-decade-war-circumcision

Another lawyer that takes "circumcision" cases:  David J Llewellyn

Aren't hospitals and doctors risking fraud charges?

If you've read my previous posts, you already know that I'm an intactivist.  There are many reasons that I am, that I have not gone into detail, as there is a mountain of information out there and I just attempt to point my readers to where the information is rather than re-hash the details here.  But, I seem to continue coming up with thoughts that I have not really seen covered elsewhere.

I am tempted to send this to all doctors and hospitals where infant circumcisions are performed.

This is how I understand the prepuce (foreskin):  During childhood, it's attached to the glans (an indisputable fact) similar to how a fingernail is attached or how a kitten's eyes remain closed until the finish developing.  During the "circumcision" procedure, it is torn away.  In many cases that I've heard, if the parent chooses to keep the boy intact, the parent/caretaker is directed to forcefully retract the foreskin to clean underneath it and to do that repeatedly until it stops adhering.

Now, I'm not a doctor, but: I know that, when a toenail is ripped away, it doesn't grow back the same.  Of course, I didn't rip away my toenail repeatedly.  I wonder if the inner-mucosal part of the foreskin and the glans are permanently damaged by this process.  And, if that's the case, the foreskin probably seems like just "extra skin."  I also imagine that if I removed my toenail repeatedly, I would be increasing the chances for infection.  I also imagine that there would be plenty of scar tissue build-up, leading to a lack of sensitivity.  I have lots of scar tissue where my appendix was removed (3-4 inches in length) and it's like there is no nerves in the scar tissue.

This leads me to believe what I have heard:  In the USA, many boys, that are left intact, end up having to have foreskin amputation later because of problems like skin bridges (scar tissue buildup) and recurrent infections.

Now, either the doctors are culpable because of malpractice or they are committing fraud in order to make the money on performing the circumcision.  Another possibility is that they simply are taught wrong.  I have seen an anatomy book in a doctor's office and it does NOT go into detail about the prepuce; which is why I can see why they just think it's extra skin.  Of course, if you speak with an intact doctor, I doubt they would say that.

Circumcision Researcher's Shopping Cart

There is a mountain of information about circumcision out there.  I thought I'd put together a quick shopping list for those looking to educate themselves.

Videos:

I enjoy videos and find most people have the patience for them.  I'm sorting these by what I find most valuable and relevant.  There are also many videos on YouTube that don't cost anything, and well worth watching; I just recommend watching these first:

Books:

I am not a big book reader, but you may be.  I tried to group the books based on specific interest/subtopic.

Female:

General:

Religion:

There are more books here:  https://www.yourwholebaby.org/books

Why more circumcised men aren't complaining

Why do so many men seem OK with the fact that a highly functional and valuable part of their body was removed during infancy?

First of all, how many of the circumcised men even have the slightest idea what foreskin is?

If they're like I was for the first 35 years of my life, they probably think it's just "extra skin" that's problematic.  They don't teach anything about it in sex education.  Even anatomy books that doctors have do not go into detail.  An old AAP statement did more than the doctor's anatomy book that I looked at, but they removed the information even though it is no less true today than it was then.

Guys don't talk about their junk, either.  Women talk about their genitalia more than men do.  I'm not attempting to be homophobic here, but, homophobia is a reason; and, even the guys that aren't, think talking about their junk is just weird.

Don't guys miss it?

Why would they?  Imagine being born without something that so many other people have.  This something would have to be hidden from most people's view most of the time.  Even those born without limbs or with some deformity are going to notice that everyone else has a "normal" body.  Heck, in the USA, it's the other way around considering the number of men without foreskin.  This can make circumcised seem "normal."  It's the reason so many people say that someone with their foreskin are "uncircumcised."

And, if they do know what foreskin is?

Even after I started learning about what foreskin is, its functions and benefits, the harm that does as well as the harms that may come from not having it, I didn't completely realize it all for several years.  Just because you read, watch or listen to something doesn't mean that it's all going to click right away.  And, even as the realizations came, I had to go through the stages of grief (look them up if you don't know what they are) as they happened.  And, since I didn't realize all the impacts all at once, I had to go through the stages repeatedly.  And, there's no time clock on grief; it takes as long as it takes.

Even if a guy does know, you think he's going to be brave enough to face the public about it?  Not likely.  Men aren't supposed to complain; it appears weak.  And, hey, you can urinate standing up and have sex, right?

After I personally got through all the realizations, the grief and thought through all the fear, I finally realized that I have to be an intactivist.  It's not about me, it's about the next generation.  It's about those baby boys getting their foreskin ripped off every day!  No, they aren't starving to death and that's an important issue too.  But, this is an issue that I understand well.  It's an issue that I'm well informed about and can speak from personal experience.  Something I really think I can have an impact on.  Thus, it is my DUTY to do so.

Here's another good essay on the topic:  https://drive.google.com/open?id=1j3SptZXnDo7au6WhNtpI30dk-p51nUcZ